The shortest distance between two headaches is the use of “for all your (blank) needs” in an advertisement. One of the websites I came across during a search for a drafting stool assured me that the company had “all my stool, chair, and office furniture needs.” I didn’t want to discuss my “stool needs” with a stranger Fortunately, I needed what they didn’t have.
Using “for all your needs” is a sign of a lazy writer. So how did an insurance agency’s ad writer managed to make it into work the day he or she used the phrase “for all your insurance needs” three times in one sixty-second ad? I thought my head was going to explode.
Four new entries to my growing list of “needs” were added in the past few weeks. “For all your dry cleaning needs,” “for all your outdoor grilling needs,” “for all your computer learning needs” (compliments of the infomercial guy) and “for all your swimming pool needs.” Is it any wonder that my devil-may-care light brown hair is turning gray?
I’m waiting for a cooking school to come out with “for all your kneading needs” and for a funeral home to use “for all your pre-need needs.”
In the meantime, if you see my pet, Peeve; tell him all is forgiven and to please come home.